Friday, May 25, the Slawinskis headed up to Traverse City for the Bayshore Half Marathon. This is the big race I've been training for since February. The one I raised all of that money for. The time had finally come!
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| TNT Runners and Walkers |
The Team in Training group stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge which THRILLED Kaitlyn. We checked in and I headed downstairs for a Team In Training group photo (which was kind of chaotic). Then it was off to an Inspiration Dinner to load up on pasta and other carbs while listening to inspiring stories about all of the people we helped by raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We also got a final focus from Coach Ken. He joked about how nervous we'd be until the race began. He also reminded us that when we started the race, if we felt like we were at a good pace, we should SLOW DOWN. It's a very common problem to start a race going out too fast.
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| The sign on my door |
After shoving my face with food, I returned to the hotel room, set my alarm for 4:00 am, and settled down with the baby. It was tough sleeping - the air conditioner in the room seemed especially loud. But when my alarm went off I felt pretty rested. I got ready, ate a peanut butter sandwich, made some coffee and headed down to catch the shuttle to the high school at 4:55 am. Yes, it was very early and still very dark. When I left my room I saw the awesome sign the TNT coaches and staff had left on my door. It made me proud.
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| Waiting in the field |
I climbed on the bus at the Lodge and headed to the high school. Once there, the half marathoners got on another bus to head 13.1 miles out on Old Mission Peninsula where we would start our race at 7:30 am. (The full marathoners were going to start the race near the high school at 7:00 am, run to the half-marathon start, turn around, and head back. This meant that the full marathoners would pass us on the way out on the peninsula, and the faster ones might pass us again as they head back to the finish) I got to the high school early and ended up on the first bus to the half marathon start. We settled into a rustic field to wait 2 hours until the start of the race. I ate a power bar and watched all of the people nervously waiting for the race. Some were pacing, some were sitting chatting with friends and many were using the long line of port-a-potties. As the time went on, I found some people I knew and was able to pass time talking. But the thought of those 13.1 miles looming in the near future was always there in my mind.
Finally, people started heading to the starting line. There were 2,300 half marathoners and almost all of them went faster than me, so I chose to wait until the very end of the pack and then join in and head to the start. Races these days are timed by chips - this chip was attached to our bib number. Your race doesn't officially start until you cross the start line with your chip. So I wasn't in a big hurry to start the race. When I finally crossed the start line, I immediately began running. It was a beautiful morning. It was about 60 degrees at the start. The sun was still working its way up in the sky so it wasn't strong and there was a forecast for clouds which is great for running. The road we run down is on the East side of the peninsula, right on the bay. The water was almost always visible on our left side (although sometimes it was blocked by trees). Several people lined the road with their morning cups of coffee and cheered on the runners going past their house.
My run started off great. I felt good. I felt like I was going SLOW which I thought meant I was going the right pace. The first two miles seemed to fly by. After the first mile, they were handing out Gu (which is an energy gel). I definitely didn't need any at that point, but I grabbed one in case I needed one later. I continued my slow run while enjoying the music on my iPod. I had loaded just under 4 hours worth of music to make sure I had enough to get me through the whole race no matter what happened.
At mile 4.5, I saw Bruce, the running coach for the Lansing TNT group (and my co-worker). I told him I was doing good and didn't need him to run with me, but he did for a little bit. I told him I hadn't walked yet and I felt really good! We chatted for a bit, then he went on to run with another person.
I eventually started feeling a little poking pain on a toe on my left foot. It felt like one toenail was digging into the other toe. I had heard many stories about runners losing nails and wondered if that was going to happen. But I knew that this tiny little thing wasn't going to make me stop!
Around mile 6, I had to go to the bathroom so I stopped at one of the port-a-potties. Its really tough to feel good enough to keep running but have to stop to use the bathroom. Plus, someone was already in there so I had to wait even longer. After I was done, I hit the road again. I couldn't help but notice I didn't feel as good as I had before I stopped. I hoped I'd be able to shake that feeling and feel better soon. I came up on a small hill and decided to walk it - my first time walking any of the race. I ran after I was at the top of the hill and noticed I still felt more worn down than I had before the bathroom break, but I kept going.
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| Me thrilled to see my cheerleaders! Kaitlyn is proudly holding her sign. |
Around mile 7, we came up on a spectator viewing area. There were lots of people there cheering for us. It was great. As I turned the corner, I saw the best sight ever. My 5-year old daughter, Kaitlyn, holding a big neon yellow sign (that I had helped her make) that said "DON'T STOP, KEEP RUNNING MOMMY". She had written the word "mommy" and it was adorable. Her smiling face behind the sign was the absolute best part. I almost burst into tears. I ran over and hugged her. I saw my wonderful husband and said hi and kissed the smiling baby, Allison, on the cheek. Then I continued on my way thinking about how wonderful my family was.
As I continued the next mile, I started to feel exhausted. I kept thinking how I wished I could have just stopped with my family and spent the rest of the day with them rather than continuing this race. I let myself walk again. When I went to run again, I found it almost impossible. Nothing hurt - my legs, my arms, my feet - everything felt fine. But I was tired. Not just tired - completely drained. I looked around me and it seemed like everyone was walking. Not only were they walking, but they looked as though they had given up! They were walking SLOW. And here I was "RUNNING" and still not going any faster than them. I was frustrated. Why the heck was I working so hard to run to go the same pace these lazy people were going? So, I stopped running and walked. I walked fast, but I still wasn't running.
I didn't feel like I could finish. I had over 5 more miles to go and didn't see how I could do it. My original goal for the race was to not walk at all. After I starting training, I had changed the overall goal to just finish within 3 hours, but the walking was still a huge disappointment. As I continued walking, I mentally beat myself up. I couldn't believe I was letting myself get away with all of this walking! But I was so slow when I ran, that it wasn't worth all of the effort. I started getting so down on myself, I was almost making myself cry! I TRIED reminding myself of all of the people with blood cancers and all they had had to go through. This race was NOTHING compared to that! That would keep me running momentarily, but them my mind would wander and refocus on the fact that people around me were walking and I should too. I knew this was a bad thing. Not just bad, horrible. The worst thing you could do during a race is to mentally beat yourself up - YOU need to be your own biggest cheerleader. I TRIED to get beyond it and decided to sprint past the people in front of me who looked as though they had given up. I didn't want to be surrounded by that negative energy. I needed a fresh view. I got past them and needed to walk after the sprint. I told myself that this could be my last half marathon. If I could get through this one, I wouldn't have to do another one ever again if I didn't want to. So, I started adding in more running here and there.
Unfortunately, the mental beat down continued. A woman behind me started cheering on all of the marathoners who passed us by yelling "Good job runner!". I took offense at this because I was trying to be a runner too! Just because those guys were going way faster, doesn't mean my running was any less impressive! I also started getting incredibly frustrated about how the people along the side of the road had stopped cheering for me and the other slow half-mararhoners. They were now only cheering for the marathoners and once they passed, they stopped cheering. It was disheartening. They saw what I was doing as not a big deal. And I took that totally personally. OF COURSE looking back on all of this I see it was all in my head. ALL of it. But at the time, it was just another reason for me to stop running and take a walk break...again.
When I got to mile 9, I checked in with my iPod (which has a running app) to see how much time I had left before the 3 hour mark. I had about an hour left. That meant I had to average 15 mintues per mile or less in order to meet my goal of finishing within 3 hours. I typically run around a 12 or 13 minute mile, so I saw this as just another excuse to walk more. I knew if I walked some, I could still finish in time. But I also knew I had to keep running here and there or I wouldn't make it. Once I hit mile 11, I tried to increase the running. Having 2 miles to go, I KNEW I could finish, it was just a matter of when. I had a former Team In Training runner named Tim come help me out and give me some words of encouragement, but he couldn't stay with me forever and then I was on my own again.
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| Turning the corner and seeing the huge crowd |
Finally, I was within the last mile. I enetered the Northwestern College campus and felt very drained. With about half a mile left Ken, a TNT coach, came up and asked how I was. I was walking and told him "I'm supposed to be running." He came over and got me to run. He grabbed another TNT person who was walking and got her to run too. He made jokes and kept telling us about how the crowd was just around the corner and would be cheering our names. He told us to stick together and he went off to help another person. The other TNT girl took off going fast and I was left alone again. But I wasn't alone. Ken was right. There was a massive crowd cheering so loudly I couldn't hear my music very well anymore. Then I spotted Kaitlyn and her sign. It was covering her face! Tim took a picture of me then picked up Allison so she could cheer me on. Kaitlyn lowered her sign so she could see me, then quickly held it back up to keep cheering me on. Allison was VERY excited and was holding up her hands and yelling, but never actually saw me. She just thought the excitement was so cool! I turned back to my running and decided I had to finish this at a run. I followed the road to the track opening and had to go the last 0.1 mile on the track. I could feel how physically exhausted I was and I felt like I was DRAGGING myself across that finish line. But I could also see my time. 2:58 as I ran up. I think it went to 2:59 as I crossed under the Finish sign. I made it under my goal. And calculating in my delay in crossing the start line, I knew I was definitely going to have a time under my goal of 3 hours. I made it. I was so happy! I didn't have to run anymore! My body completely relaxed and I found it hard to keep walking to where I needed to go, but knowing I was done was enough motivation to get me to where I needed to go. I found my family and hugged them all. I loaded up on lots of food to reward myself (although once I had the food, I realized I didn't really want to eat it). I got my medal and my TNT finisher pin.
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| My big injury |
I sat down and took off my shoes and found my toe was bleeding from the toenail next to it cutting into it. My sock was drenched in blood and there was blood in my shoe too. But there was no pain and I still had all of my toenails. The rest of my body felt fine. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had finished, and in one piece. My official result was 2 hours, 56 minutes and 4 seconds. My average pace was a 13:46 mile.
Over the rest of the weekend I kept moving and still felt pretty good. When I woke up on Sunday, I felt like I had recently exercised, but I didn't feel bad at all. Now on Tuesday, I have a little pain in my left knee, but I'm sure that will go away in a day or two. Over the weekend, I researched the mental piece of running on the internet. I have two more half marathons coming up that I've already registered for: the Capital City River Run Half Marathon in Lansing on 9/16 and the Detroit International Half Marathon on 10/21. My plan is to start running again on June 1 and begin training for these upcoming races. I hope to get a tiny bit faster. But most of all, I hope to overcome my mental wall and be able to run with a positive attitude. That is going to take some work, but I know I can do it. I'm GOING to shake my negative thoughts and I am GOING to have AWESOME RACES!
While looking for information on training your mind for long runs, I found this quote: "If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a board and knock me down, because that means I didn't run hard enough." --Steve Jones, former marathon world record holder. That's kind of how I felt after my race. I feel like I should have been more physically worn out. I had more to give physically, but my mind just wouldn't let me. But I plan to fix this next time.
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| Me, my girls and my medal |
Despite being anxious to jump into the next half marathon and prove to myself I can do this, I am sad looking ahead to my future races knowing I won't have the wonderful Team In Training coaches, staff and volunteers there to help me along. Throughout my training I had people to turn to when I needed help. They motivated me when I was nervous. And they all but dragged me through the race. Their encouragement, motivation, humor, light-heartedness, understanding, enthusiasm, smiles, pats on the back and cheers will be greatly missed. I may have to do another TNT event in the future just to get that rush again. I sent an email to them thanking them for all of their dedication and assistance. In January, I SWORE I hated running. Now look at me. I'm taking less than a week off before I start training for my next half marathon. If you have ever considered a Team In Training event, DO IT. It will change your life.
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